"Fine we talk, this now and then in past. For I am trying, trying to let you into that rare spot reserved for erotic love. A true union of equals sharing a life together takes time to court in any circumstances, in more rare and unique lives there are challenges to overcome that God provides for a reason---to make us stronger in jumping the hurdles.. Yes I would be lying to you if I said I didn't have erotic love before--and I won't lie to you. True residual affects of a love burned me deep. There were signs and warnings given by God, as God gives us love but it is our choice and emotions/love can overtake all thoughts and rationalizations. This is love out of balance, discord, and chaos. Love gave me a blessing as it opened my eyes to human capacity of this gift from God and at times a curse, no? Yes--I was detached and aloof--focused on academics, sports and pursuits of interest--work. Yes, True I fell so hard from this love. Fell hard so that I could learn what love was and what bad love was and how it can cause harm and ruin lives. So the fall I see was a blessing from God so that by falling I had to get up. The fall opened up the erotic lover for me so that later on in God's great plan I would truly open up to a soulmate. This too will take time to understand my true love and soulmate. For I am observant now, and love requires more than just love--it requires an equal and match. True, guilt still languishes over how my love blinded me and in blindness my defense of person caused harm. Ultimately I just harmed myself on levels that can cut us deep. The conclusion of this connection, fitting enough was The year you won your biggest title and me the same. It was the year I also fell the hardest. God awoken me up some and took a piece of me and God gave me a craft. For this year was initial year of my studies of a craft, God blessed this craft to ultimately use to help others. So God keeps things in balances, it is just seeing these blessings over the other aspects of living in this world outside of Eden. That year, the year you won your biggest title but not your truly big title--that is still to come. That year some years ago I fell hard during a long hot summer, me buying into manipulations of the person played me like a moth to a light. For their own benefit. The person got freedom thanks to me defending and they "looked at me and gotten what they wanted and left me". Abandoned after already being emotionally and mentally exhausted from defending this person. My heart cracked, I prayed God would end the pain for I was very blind. God didnt, God has plans and a greater purpose if we can just get through, get through at times hell. Luckily God had my dad drive me down and out of that "hell" and to area which was home for me to build a craft. I didn't leave my apartment for 2 weeks, the little apartment that had been my home during rigorous studies and evolving into my own person. Yet for those two weeks a will to live has its limits. Classes started, a purpose came from God--although I didnt know this yet as God was always a part of my soul but not in proximity God would become. I focused on craft: it saved me. Routine took hold, the person had to pay via serving in time--some not enough. In time I realized no "God didn't punish me, but God was trying to teach me about love, free will and choices." God didn't want that person as my partner+spouse, my free will let me go in a direction God didn't want but that I picked. God wants you to be my partner for we are soulmates. Thus my hand and mouth have been saved for you. Yet I need to go slow, trust you on erotic level first before anything, a union and many dates. God also blessed me with a calling, but I was wanting to hide behind this calling away in part to protect my heart from erotic love. I accept this path, for "you are the one" if ever "the one existed". But you go slow, we date and see. Now you see, sense and understand a large part of something that if hadn't happened my heart would never had been open to erotic love and you. I would have been closed off, and not capable of seeing how truly wonderful you, your love and the love will share is in this world, a rare gift! So that dark soul was necessary to open my heart to love my true soul mate, you.